When I first heard the words "girl dinner," I imagined women getting together for a meal. Then I started watching the social media videos and realized the trend was about small plates of food that women were shrugging and calling dinner.
The idea was started by Olivia Maher as a response to another video in which the speaker talks about how peasants ate bread and cheese for dinner in medieval times and how awful that must have been. Her response? But that's my dinner!
In her video, which now has over 1.2 million views, Maher says "This is my dinner. I call this girl dinner or medieval peasant." The video then pans out to a board with two slices of what looks like ciabatta, two slices of cheese, four grapes from a bag nearby, butter set on a napkin, a glass of wine and a jar of cornichons on the side.
People joined the bandwagon, posting their versions of girl dinner, which ranged from cheese and crackers to elaborate charcuterie boards to five dinner rolls with butter. One woman just went to sleep. That was her "girl dinner."
Soon, TikTok came up with a filter for "girl dinner." Three circles at the top of the video would turn over to reveal options like jam, jerky, tomato juice, meds, chocolate milk and, wait for it, dog food.
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I found the filter disrespectful and the concept of "girl dinner" potentially dangerous. It felt like an avenue for validating restrictive, disordered eating. Some of the plates had little more than a few bites of food. While naming it "girl dinner" could be seen as a way to create community, I was triggered by gendered language, which felt like yet another way to perpetuate societal expectations that women should eat like birds while men need meaty, supersized meals.
Rather than go down the rabbit hole alone, I decided to ask the experts for their takes on the phenomenon.
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Why is 'girl dinner' a thing?
I spoke to Liz Brinkman, a registered dietitian and nutritionist and founder of On the Brink Nutrition Collective, as well as Emily Contois, associate professor of media studies at The University of Tulsa, author of "Diners, Dudes & Diets: How Gender & Power Collide in Food Media & Culture" and co-editor of "Food Instagram: Identity, Influence & Negotiation."
Brinkman sees the trend as a nod to liberation. "It feels like women are claiming their time."
A University of Michigan study showed that women gain seven hours of extra labor per week when they get married. And that's without children in the mix. The statistic points to longstanding societal gender norms, which leave many women feeling responsible for cooking the family meal.
Laura Danger posted a video commenting on how those statistics relate to the "girl dinner" trend. On July 18, she asked her followers: "Why do you think there's such a gap after nuptials?" Over 7,000 people commented.
"I have girl dinner as a wife and mother because I cook to their wants and I no longer have the energy to make a whole other meal for me," wrote Sara.
"It’s also exhausting trying to think of something new to cook every night," Laura wrote.
"I literally eat a handful of nuts sometimes when my fiancé is out of town and I’m like yup I’m good," Meredith G. stated.
Danger ends her video with a defense of girl dinners everywhere. "I'm a girl dinner girl. I'm a girl dinner wife. Eating chips and pickles for dinner doesn't make me a bad wife."
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What is the 'girl dinner' trend?
Contois sees the trend as a "joyful laziness" or a way to throw typical dining "rules" and expectations out the window.
According to Contois, when it comes to food, women are often taught not to pursue their pleasure and are instead told to "eat in a restrained way, to make sure it's nutritionally balanced, to always be thinking about thinness. That's where you can see the idea of feminist empowerment in girl dinner."
For many single women, 'girl dinner' feels validating
Contois sees part of the joy of the original "girl dinner" as eating whatever you want.
One of Brinkman's clients, who is a cis-gender woman in her 40s who's recovering from a restricting eating disorder, living in a larger body and newly diagnosed with autism, told her that she found the trend "super validating." She said it reflects her desire to eat with greater freedom, including forgoing utensils in favor of her hands.
"You put it on the plate, and it's just for you, and what a joy to put it out in the world and see that a lot of people do this, too," said Contois. "There's a bonding around it, like 'I'm not alone. We do this weird thing together.'"
AJ wrote: "girl dinner is something that doesn't make a mess and something that can be made in less then 10 minutes."
Caroline Horton commented: "My girl dinner last night was an entire baguette dipped in olive oil and balsamic. Who needs protein?"
"I call it village meal and pretend I’m staying in an inn for the night 😂," commented ceebee1237 on Maher's original video.
Women have posted videos of eating a single yogurt popsicle or two graham crackers with peanut butter and Shasta soda (posted by a nurse), with others posting the likes of a single bottle of water or "going to sleep" as their evening meal.
For most, the trend seems to boil down to women doing what they want for their nightly sustenance and shedding the shame and secrecy around private rituals.
TikTok is especially well suited to this, as Contois points out that the platform is more about confessional moments as opposed to the more aspirational, curated posts on Instagram.
Where things start to take a darker turn are in the reactions, often from men, to what started as a kind of inside joke.
While 'girl dinner' might be liberating, the reactions go in some dark directions
Videos and trends on TikTok are especially prone to meaning change, Contois said. So while the original concept of "girl dinner" may have started as a liberating choice to not cook, the follow-up videos have gone in some decidedly different directions.
Popeyes' attempt to capitalize on the trend and its bumbling misunderstanding of the concept is laughable. The fried chicken chain simply re-named its sides menu of Cajun fries, mashed potatoes with Cajun gravy, coleslaw, red beans and rice and homestyle mac and cheese as "girl dinner."
On TikTok, users have reacted with spin-off trends, like "man dinner," often depicted as a steak on a fork or "boy dinners" that range from a box of leftover pizza found in one's comforter to a can of Mountain Dew, all of which reinforce gender stereotypes and gendered expectations.
"Pardon my Take," a sports podcast, devoted an entire episode to "husband meal" in response to a GQ writer who had shared an anecdote about her husband's habit of ordering mediocre wings whenever she's out of town.
The hosts of the podcast dissect the article, concluding that the author has a problem in her marriage: She's too controlling. They work themselves into such a fervor that the podcast ends with the host saying, "Here's another alternative. Instead of him ordering, like $70 worth of Taco Bell, he could cheat on you."
Well, that escalated quickly.
It's but one example of the venomous reactions to the mere idea that a woman would control what a man puts in his body.
I can get on board with a dinnertime trend that empowers women to reclaim their time, to feel liberated and to eat with joyful abandon. I can also take a joke. But when it comes to this particular trend, I still can't help but wonder what our "girl dinners" would be in the absence of societal pressures to eat right, eat less and feed everyone else in our lives first.
Reach the reporter atBAnooshahr@azcentral.com. Follow @banooshahr onTwitter.
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